What is listening?
It is an equal and unique exchange of words and feelings.
I hear and I forget
I see and I remember
I do and I understand
God made humans with two ears and one tongue, in order that they should listen twice as much as they say.
Listening speed – 125 – 250 wpm
Speaking speed – 50 – 150wpm
Thinking speed – 1000 – 3000wpm
413 verses from Bible with the word listen.
GD:
Why should you listen?
Provide 5 inputs about hearing?
Provide 5 inputs about listening?
Why listening is important for Relationships?
- Desire to cooperate
- Feel accepted and acknowledged
- Seek first to understand, then be understood
- Openness to learning
- Minimizes confusion and misunderstanding
- Critical in conflict resolution
- Helps in building Trust – Credibility and support
- Helps in getting things done – information and exchange
Barriers to Listening
Proverbs 17:4 A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue.
Environment – Sights, sound, Smell, Temperature & humidity, Décor, Physical comfort
Physiological – Discomfort, Illness, Fatigue, Stress
Public speaking – gender, personality, body language, scholastic achievement, language & vocabulary, motivation/interest/mindset/feeling, presentation
One-one – Jumping in and reassuring; giving advice; intellectualizing/spiritualizing; interrupting; going off at a tangent (Role-Play)
What really happens in listening? (4 stages)
Sensing – Hearing & Perception
To improve the skill, look directly at the person talking. As you hear the words said, also start reading the body language. Listen for tone and intonation. With advancement in the art, you will be able to notice even more subtle body language such as pupil movement.
Understanding – Interpretation
Rather than thinking what you are going to say next, try to think of what is being said from the standpoint of the communicator. Think of yourself as their advocate and your purpose is to help everyone understand what the speaker is trying to communicate.
Evaluation
First sort and classify what you’re hearing. What are the implications, the applications, benefit or damage of the information?
Response – acting on the message
You will benefit little if you do not act on the direction or advice. A simple credo in this regard, there are three things a true professional does not do when being given counsel or advice.- Justify, minimize or shift the blame.
Preferences of Listeners
- Action vs Ideas I – building activity
- Fact vs Feeling I – remember ‘entomophobia’
- Judging vs Accepting I – he should have overcome the fear if he is a man of God!
- Self vs Other I – thinking of your feelings rather than mine
Ways to improve listening?
Effective listening
- Listen to the words objectively
- Understand the meaning of the words
- Evaluate the context of the words
Active listening
- Taking responsibility to understand content and feelings – take notes, improve concentration, be objective
- Clarifies what is being understood – ask questions
- Summarizes the understanding – give feedback, paraphrase
- Is willing to take action – apply it to your life, take next step
You also need to SOFTEN up
Smile, Open posture, Forward lean, Touch, Eye contact, Nod or Affirm
Session Two
Did you try listening to people and was there any improvement?
Volunteer Write: What all characteristics should a good listener have?
Listening Styles
Analytical – content oriented
Amiable – people oriented
Expressive – action oriented, people oriented
Driver – time oriented, action oriented
Types of Listening
Discriminative listening
Discriminative listening is the most basic type of listening, whereby the difference between different sounds is identified. If you cannot hear differences, then you cannot make sense of the meaning that is expressed by such differences.
We learn to discriminate between sounds within our own language early, and later are unable to discriminate between the phonemes of other languages. This is one reason why a person from one country finds it difficult to speak another language perfectly, as they are unable distinguish the subtle sounds and emotions that are required in that language. -
Comprehension listening
The next step beyond discriminating between different sound and sights is to make sense of them. To comprehend the meaning requires first having a lexicon of words at our fingertips and also all rules of grammar and syntax by which we can understand what others are saying.
The same is true, of course, for the visual components of communication, and an understanding of body language helps us understand what the other person is really meaning.
In communication, some words are more important and some less so, and comprehension often benefits from extraction of key facts and items from a long spiel.
Comprehension listening is also known as content listening, informative listening and full listening.
Biased listening
Biased listening happens when the person hears only what they want to hear, typically misinterpreting what the other person says based on the stereotypes and other biases that they have. Such biased listening is often very evaluative in nature.
Evaluative listening
In evaluative listening, or critical listening, we make judgments about what the other person is saying. We seek to assess the truth of what is being said. We also judge what they say against our values, assessing them as good or bad, worthy or unworthy.
Evaluative listening is particularly pertinent when the other person is trying to persuade us, perhaps to change our behavior and maybe even to change our beliefs. Within this, we also discriminate between subtleties of language and comprehend the inner meaning of what is said. Typically also we weigh up the pros and cons of an argument, determining whether it makes sense logically as well as whether it is helpful to us.
Evaluative listening is also called critical, judgmental or interpretive listening.
Appreciative listening
In appreciative listening, we seek certain information which will appreciate, for example that which helps meet our needs and goals. We use appreciative listening when we are listening to good music, poetry or maybe even the stirring words of a great leader.
Sympathetic listening
In sympathetic listening we care about the other person and show this concern in the way we pay close attention and express our sorrow for their ills and happiness at their joys.
Empathetic listening
When we listen empathetically, we go beyond sympathy to seek a truer understand how others are feeling. This requires excellent discrimination and close attention to the nuances of emotional signals. When we are being truly empathetic, we actually feel what they are feeling.
In order to get others to expose these deep parts of themselves to us, we also need to demonstrate our empathy in our demeanor towards them, asking sensitively and in a way that encourages self-disclosure.
Therapeutic listening
In therapeutic listening, the listener has a purpose of not only empathizing with the speaker but also to use this deep connection in order to help the speaker understand, change or develop in some way.
This not only happens when you go to see a therapist but also in many social situations, where friends and family seek to both diagnose problems from listening and also to help the speaker cure themselves, perhaps by some cathartic process. This also happens in work situations, where managers, HR people, trainers and coaches seek to help employees learn and develop.
Dialogic listening
The word 'dialogue' stems from the Greek words 'dia', meaning 'through' and 'logos' meaning 'words'. Thus dialogic listening mean learning through conversation and an engaged interchange of ideas and information in which we actively seek to learn more about the person and how they think.
Dialogic listening is sometimes known as 'relational listening'.
Relationship listening
Sometimes the most important factor in listening is in order to develop or sustain a relationship. This is why lovers talk for hours and attend closely to what each other has to say when the same words from someone else would seem to be rather boring.
Relationship listening is also important in areas such as negotiation and sales, where it is helpful if the other person likes you and trusts you.
Listening to build Relationships
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